road sign obsession

Since I mentioned it last time, I figured I'd better talk about the road sign obsession. Somewhere around the middle of Stage 4, Jacob developed an absolute obsession with road signs. Well, actually, truth be told, he'd probably been obsessed with road signs since the first time he noticed there were road signs. But the middle of Stage 4 is when he started talking about them perseveratively (all the time, to the exclussion of all else).

The spring and summer of 2006 was the Road Sign Season. I cringed when we had to go out in the car, as it meant a non-stop play-by-play of every street sign, traffic sign, warning sign, etc etc, that we came to. Might not sound so bad I suppose. The first several hundred times or so, anyway. After that, it just gets downright annoying.

"Look mommy, there's exit 63! Speed limit, 65. Right lane ends, 1000 feet. Merge! Trucks excluded from left lane. Speed limit, 65. Work crew ahead, slow to 55 mph. Stay in lane! Hartford, 35 miles. Next exit, 62!"

I suddenly was empathizing GREATLY with those parents of kids with an Apserger's diagnosis who have been dealing with this sort of perseverative speaking for years! As mildly annoying as Jacob's non-stop scripting had been in the early years, it was at least somewhat entertaining and fairly easy to tune out. This was entirely new and totally aggravating, if not downright unnerving. First of all, he INISISTED on being heard. Ignoring him just didn't work. "Mommy, there's Brick Rd. Did you hear me Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY!! Brick Road! We just went by Brick Rd!!! MOMMY!!!!" Argh.

Worse, he would read signs that had nothing to do with the direction we were heading in. In case you can't envision how unnerving this might be, imagine that you've just turned onto a highway on-ramp at about 45 mph, and suddenly you hear "WRONG WAY!!!" screamed from just behind you.

I complained bitterly to our consultant about it, I guess because I had no one else to complain to and that's what I was paying her for. She offered suggestions, ranging from ignoring it (but there was just NO ignoring it, he made sure of that, and that didn't feel right anyway -- I mean, all this time, I had been working towards him wanting to communicate with me, it just seemed wrong to ignore it now that he was desperately trying to), to trying to let him "borrow" my perspective by picking something else to focus on. The latter suggestion made for some of the most dysfunctional conversation in the history of mankind:

"10 miles to Manchester!"
"Oh, Jacob, look at those pretty blue flowers!"
"Speed Limit 45!"
"Wow, the clouds are really pretty today"
"Exit 43!"
"I wonder what Daddy's doing for lunch today..."
"MOMMY! I SAID EXIT 43!!!!!"

The next helpful suggestion was to just tell him that I didn't want to talk about road signs right now. Here's how that went:

"Road work ahead!"
"Jacob, I'm really not interested in road signs"
"Oh, OK. Sorry."
a 30 second pause
"Speed Limit 45! Exit 26 A and B! 35 mph on Ramp!"

I kept telling myself it was just a stage. I kept reminding myself that parents of Asperger's kids have been dealing with this for years and somehow still managed to stay at least functionally sane. I kept telling myself to delight in the fact that Jacob wanted to share his passion with me. Meanwhile I was grinding my teeth down to nubs and slowly counting backwards to myself to keep myself from screaming "SHUT UP YOU LITTLE FREAK!"

During August I flew out to the RDI Annual Parent's Conference, armed with a load of questions for the consultant that was teaching the "Talks Too Much" session. I kept my mouth shut through the first half hour of the session, listening to her address the concerns of parents who've been dealing with this sort of thing for years with their Asperger's kids, most of which I didn't think was appropriate for us, either because I knew that he would respond badly, or because I'd already tried it (see my above attempts!). Finally, I opened my mouth and explained my situation, and she agreed with me that I don't want to do anything that is going to discourage Jacob from wanting to share his thoughts with me. Her suggestion was to acknowledge what he said, and then gently guide the conversation elsewhere. I liked the idea -- I felt it both honored his attempts at communication, but also didn't lend him to think that I was actually interested in road talk. So here's how it went:

"Mommy, look, exit 63!"
"Oh yeah, there it is. Hey, that exit sign is green. That color green reminds me of Christmas trees."
No response while he ponders that.
Several minutes go by.
"Speed limit, 65!"
"Uh huh. Oh, and that sign's white. That reminds me of snow. The road signs are all reminding me of Christmas today."
More silence while he ponders that.
"Christmas is in December."
"Yes, it is."

Now, I don't think this technique is the reason the road talk has stopped. I think it's because his appraisal abilities are getting stronger and he's able to focus on more than what the road signs say, and that his Stage 6 co-regulation skills have made him realize that people are not really interested in talking about road signs non-stop. He still reads the signs when it's appropriate to do so -- when we're looking for a certain exit, or when something unusual comes up, like road construction -- but it's no longer an obsession. I don't think just talking with him in any certain way caused that -- it's a part of his development and progress with his RDI program. BUT, this method allowed me to regain control of both the conversation AND (much more importantly) my sanity. I no longer shuddered at the prospect of a road trip, I no longer tried to avoid highways whenever possible (because the road signs on back roads are much less repetetive). I can't even tell you when it stopped, because worrying about it no longer consumed my energy.

And now it's gone. Looking back on it, it's pretty funny, actually. Trust me, at the time it most certainly was NOT. But like all of the things we've encountered on Jacob's Journey, it makes a pretty good story now that it's over.